I know it isn't Friday yet, but couldn't let this one slip by without sharing it
with my friends in law-lib land.
Mary Smith Forman
Reference/Documents Delivery Services Librarian
St. Mary's University
Sarita Kenedy East Law Library
San Antonio, TX 78228-8605
formanm@law.stmarytx.edu
210-431-4227
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Date: Thu, 08 Feb 96 12:55:17 CST
From: "Michael Forman" <mforman@photot.com>
Message-Id: <9601088238.AA823813496@cc.perftech.com>
To: formanm@law.stmarytx.edu
Subject: BEERS
If Operating Systems Were Beers... >>>>
DOS Beer:
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the
directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in
an
8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided
into
8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately.
Soon to
be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking
it
after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer:
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can.
Considered
by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you
take
one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on
the
can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you
don't
need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties
to
the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer:
The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like
Mac
Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it
allows you
to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can
only
drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are
drinking the
Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a
can
of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer:
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers
simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously
too,
but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you
open
them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking
OS/2
Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims
that 9
million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer:
The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows
3.1
Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only
have
16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking
Windows
3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like
it. The
ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the
same
ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims
that
this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer:
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This
causes
most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can
looks
just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the
can to
look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts
shipping.
Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in
bars.
Unix Beer:
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64
oz.
Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they
claim
that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the
pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your
own
can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a
complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix
Beer
for several years.
AmigaDOS Beer:
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked
up
by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This
beer
never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't
understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an
extremely
loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now
comes in
32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared
flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the
years, so
it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only
meant for
watching TV anyway.
VMS Beer:
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and
sipping.
However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain
extremely
un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development
environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of
ingredients,
you're told that it's proprietary and referred to an unknown listing
in the
manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed
in the
Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to
have
actually seen it.
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