I nominate Robert S. Ryan for class president, or class clown, whichever
applies. All in favor say "Aye". Three cheers for President Ryan!
-----Original Message-----
From: owner-law-lib@ucdavis.edu
[mailto:owner-law-lib@ucdavis.edu] On Behalf Of Robert S. Ryan
Sent: Friday, October 07, 2005 10:42 AM
To: law-lib@ucdavis.edu
Subject: An End to the Miers Brouhaha
All right, I've decided to put an end once and for all to the
flaming/sniping/carping over the Harriet Miers nomination. I am
officially notifying the Bush administration that Ms. Mier may withdraw
her name: I am available to fill the position.
This will be a sacrifice for me, giving up my vibrant acting
career here in Hollywood ("Son of the Beach" may now be seen in re-runs
in Chile and Finland), moving to the pestilential swamp we converted
into our nation's capital, wearing black at work every day (not my
color, but the robes do allow you to wear Hawaiian shirts and Bernuda
shorts under them, the way Oliver Wendell Holmes used to). My colleagues
here at Hill, Farrell and Burrill have been completely supportive of my
taking the position, despite the burden it will place on them,
recognizing the Higher Purpose to be served. ("Go," they said to me.
"For the love of God, go.")
My credentials are impeccable and acceptable to both Right and
Left. Hardline, Born Again Christian Conservatives and Warren Beatty
alike will unite in supporting my nomination. While I have never
articulated a stance as Pro-Life, I have several times come out as
Pro-Newsweek and even Pro-Forma. I devoutly believe that Life Begins at
Forty and that abortion should only be permitted after that point if the
mother's life is endangered. My trial track record is exemplary (The
charge was Mopery in the Third Degree. I was found Not Guilty.) I have a
distinguished judicial history - four times deciding the Motion Picture
Retirement Home's Robert Downey Jr. Senior Beauty Pageant without
controversy.
I did not seek this high office. As Shakespeare said, some are
born great, some acquire greatness and some have greatness shoved up
their...well, I forget the exact quotation, but it's something like
that. I will accept the position with deep humility, for I, indeed, have
much to be humble about. I take this step, as I take all steps, with
eyes wide shut and a deep conviction that I can't possibly do any worse
than the next guy (assuming the next guy isn't John Marshall, Thurgood
Marshall, William Howard Taft, Earl Warren, Robert Jackson, William
Rehnquist, Harry Blackmun, Hugo Black, etc, etc. ...or Oliver Wendell
Holmes, with or without Bermuda shorts).
If nominated I will accept, if confirmed I will serve, if serve
is returned, I will volley until I have made my point, deuce, one-love,
game, match.
So let us cease being Miered in this morass of petty bickering.
I am ready to assume the mantle, run the gauntlet, butter the parsnips
and generally hoist myself on the petard of juridical controvery.
Now let's get back to ILLs.
Bob Ryan
Hill, Farrer & Burrill
Los ANgeles
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